Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, guys! (depending on when this gets published) This is the 4th in the 7 days of Christmas series. Today’s Christmas short story features Akwasi Prempeh’s return to Ghana after 5 years of absence. I enjoyed writing it- I hope you enjoy reading it.
The phone vibrated a number of times before Kwame Ofori felt it. He had deliberately asked his tailor for deep pockets- on days like this, it felt like a mistake. He pulled the phone out and looked back at the entrance of the arrival hall. Still nothing.
Why is this guy calling me if he is not yet here? Chale, I am not in the mood for this oo. It is late and I haven’t eaten.
The phone rang again.
‘Yo! You catch?’
‘Yeah, just found my luggage. Just wanted to make sure that you would capture my arrival on Snapchat. I need to update my fans on my travels. You know it’s a new generation distin-‘
‘First of all, you know I am not on Snapchat. Secondly, who are your fans? Your 293 followers on Twitter? This guy paa?’
‘295 please. Just take a video and stop hating. I am almost out. Get your camera ready.’
45 seconds later, Akwasi came out with his right hand in the air. He had that same old cheeky grin on his face. They did the half hug and handshake thing Ghanaian men do when they meet, because God forbid that they should give full hugs and be given weird looks by bystanders.
‘Akwasi, why you fool like that? Video to document your arrival? What kinda self-centered life this?’
‘See, the fact that you are not on Snapchat doesn’t make you the moral standard. Besides, I am home! Akwasi Prempeh the one and only is back to the motherland.’
‘This guy! Who do you think you are koraa?’
‘Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Akwasi Prempeh, royalty by long distance. Your favourite celebrity’s crush, your baby daddy’s competition, your sugar mummy’s goals. And I am back home after 5 good years! You no talk Akwaaba sef!’
Kwame kept laughing. His friend had clearly not lost his sense of humour even after so long.
‘Guy, the fact that Yvonne Nelson smiled in your direction at that party a whole five years ago doesn’t mean-‘
‘I’ll just stop you there. No negative vibes. Please. Eat your house matters.’
Just before they sat in the car, Akwasi took a selfie and captioned it ‘Location Accra’.
‘Guy, what’s new? What is happening in Ghana?’
‘New president, Big Shaq is in Ghana, Yvonne Nelson had a baby-‘
Akwasi reached out to lower the volume of the song that was booming out of Kwame’s car.
‘Yvonne did what?’
‘Why, did you come to Ghana with plans of making her fall in love with you?’
‘Yeah bruv, I even have the perfect song to serenade her with.’
Mimicking a stage performance, he tipped over his imaginary microphone stand and started singing Adele’s Make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
‘Hahaha, oh wow! You really came.’
I know you
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
‘Ei Barima, we get the point. Save your singing skills for karaoke night.’
‘You guys have karaoke in Ghana?’
‘Don’t let me insult you.’
‘Abi we are all playing?’
‘Leave my country out of the games.’
After ten minutes of silence, Akwasi hit the dashboard dramatically.
‘Chale stop the car. Stop the car. I have just seen roasted plantain and coconut all in one place. The universe is giving me the welcome fit for a king.’
‘Kings eat roasted plantain? Akwasi Prempeh paaa, you think we are acting a Ghallywood movie eh?’
‘Well, now that food is out of the way, tell me about the women. I have been seeing some really fine babes on IG and Snapchat. Is it me or the girls have become finer in the last five years? Chale back and front nyinaa, nice proportions. I have high expectations. Accra, blow my mind please!’
‘You plan to serenade them too?’
Akwasi didn’t get the chance to react to that because Kwame’s phone rang.
‘Hey babe. Yes, it went well. You were right, as always. Okay sure. Cool. I love you too. Bye!’
‘Ei Guy! You are in love? And you failed to mention that?’
’You asked about Ghana, not about me.’
‘Fair enough. Who is she? How long have you been together? When do I get to meet her?’
‘You already know her. I don’t think she wants to be in the same space with you. It’s Adjoa.’
‘Adjoa? My Adjoa?’
‘You mean the Adjoa you broke up with and abandoned two weeks before moving in with your new girlfriend?’
‘I mean the Adjoa that I love more than anyone else on earth and came back to Accra to woo.’
‘See, you are fighting a lost cause. Adjoa and I have been together for the last year and half. No be whirlwind romance matter.’
‘Then why has she been sexting me for the last 3 months?’
Kwame slammed his brakes.
‘Listen, if you know you are just coming to spew untruths just to break us up, I am going to put friendship aside and throw you out of this car right now.’
‘Oh, on the real though, I didn’t know you were dating. And no, I am not joking about the sexts. She wears waist beads, right? Colours of the rainbow. I only know this because of the pictures. I make sorry waaa!’
‘Get out of my car.’
‘Oh! But what did I do? Shouldn’t you be upset with her and not me?’
‘I said, get out. Don’t let me say it twice.’
‘How am I supposed to get home?’
‘Ask Adjoa and her waist beads.’
‘So lemme get this straight. You hook up with my ex-girlfriend and I am not upset, but you are upset that my ex-girlfriend who didn’t tell me she was your girlfriend has been flirting with me? Cool story.’, Akwasi said as he tried to open the door.
Kwame stared ahead in silence.
‘Okay, cool. This isn’t how I envisaged my holidays going at all. Going to be in Accra until 2nd week of January. If you change your mind about being hostile, call me.’
Kwame continued to ignore him.
‘So much for Ghanaian hospitality.’
He got down and pulled his suitcases out of Kwame’s boot.
Five minutes later, the car speeding past him ran over a half empty sachet of water, which slashed water over his trousers. After shouting some choice words in the car’s direction, he leaned against the
For the first time, he noticed how empty the streets were.
Two suitcases, a backpack and a guy with an uptee vibe.
Recipe for robbery.
Welcome to Accra starter pack ankasa.
He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the wine Toyota Yaris when it slowed down.
‘Hey, you look stranded. Everything okay?’
I can’t believe my eyes. Am I looking at Yvonne Nelson? No, it can’t be her.
‘Erm, yes. Just trying to get home. First night back in Accra.’
Akwasi, you are a fool. What if she is an armed robber? Just talking by heart because you have seen fine girl. Who asked you anything?
‘Hop in. I will drop you somewhere. Heading to a party and I am a little early so I have time. I am Rachael.’
‘My name is Akwasi. Akwasi Prempeh.’
‘Welcome home, Akwasi.’
‘If you don’t mind my asking, do you have a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend that is a friend of mine?’