Happy Wednesday guys! Exciting times!! So Kenkey for the needy papped!! It was good to see some of the faces behind the Twitter and Instagram handles that leave comments and post tweets. You have me anticipating the meetup even more! If you haven’t already saved the date, you should. I can’t wait to see you on the 17th of September! And for those of you who send me messages volunteering to take care of different things for the meetup, I can’t even begin to find the words to describe just how awesome you are! Special shout outs to Elorm for this week’s meme. If you haven’t seen it, please check it out on the Facebook page. Pulse Ghana did a feature on Vows by Kenikodjo this week. Check it out here. This week, we find out what is in the envelope. Oh, and your theories about what could be in the envelope were rather interesting! Happy reading! 🙂
‘You are a good friend, Ewura.’
‘So are you, Tonia.’
‘I doubt that. I kissed my best friend’s husband and now I would like to kill my other friend’s husband for hurting her this much.’
‘Nobody can stand up for us and do the things you do for us like you can, Tonia. I love you.’
‘I love you too. ‘
Just then, the nanny who used to stay with Kafui came inside. She was carrying an envelope.
‘Good afternoon. Madam’s mother came to clear her clothes out of the house and we found this. She told me to bring it to you.’, she said, gesturing at Tonia.
‘Me? What is it?’
The nanny placed the envelope in her hands and her breath caught in her throat.
Boldly written on the envelope, in Kafui’s handwriting, was the inscription ‘For Tonia.’
These days the room keeps spinning.
It was lightening, thunder ,hail, fire and brimstone all at once.
Somehow the idea that Kafui had accidentally killed herself gave Tonia some peace.
It was impulsive.
It made Tonia feel better to think that it was a spur of the moment thing, that she didn’t have time to think it through. That she had not thought about what it would mean to leave baby Selikem behind. That he would have to grow up with the stigma of being ‘the boy whose mother killed herself’. That she had not thought of what it would do to the rest of the ladies.
A letter felt calculated, thought through, deliberate.
Tonia’s stomach began to turn.
Her fingers trembled as her bright pink acrylic nails pried the envelope open. She cleared her throat and reached for the glass of water beside her.
If you are reading this, then it has already happened.
Before anything else, let me say how sorry I am for everything.
I am just tired of trying. I was tired of watching Prosper choosing everything and anything over me. Tired of not being good enough for him.
I wish I could leave him, but as hard as it is to believe, I love him.
I am tired of wondering if Selikem is going to grow up and watch me deteriorate, if he will watch me become less and less of myself. I don’t want that for him.
I want him to have a normal life, full of love, peace and hope.
I want him to learn to love a woman the right way and to never hit a woman.
I don’t want him to live with the scars of an abusive marriage.
So I am leaving him with you. I know you will fiercely love and protect him like he is your own child. I know you will fight for him until your last breath. I know you will give him what I am unable to give him- a loving happy childhood with good memories.
Thank you for being my friend, for loving me, for believing in me.
Thank Ewuraefua for being a refuge for me to run to.
Thank Adjeley for living life to the fullest. It made me yearn to do the same.
If Paa Kow asks you to marry him, say yes. Don’t be stubborn. We both know you love him.
And forgive Prosper. I have.
There is so much I would love to tell you before I leave, but I know you will try and talk me out of it.
Make sure my funeral is done right. If there is anyone I can trust to do it, it’s you.
She laughed, she cried, she frowned, she closed her eyes in pain. It was like an orchestra of emotions, without the conductor. Her friend had really killed herself and left a suicide note full of wit, truth and pain.
‘This doesn’t sound like someone who wants to die. She sounds so full of life.’
Tonia was still not ready to refer to her in the past tense. It made everything feel final. Too final.
‘You okay?’ Ewuraefua’s voice pierced through the many questions on her mind.
‘Yes. Yes, I am.’ Tonia sniffled and smiled. ‘You should read it’, she said, handing the letter over to Ewuraefua.
‘So what are you going to do if Prosper tries to come for the baby?’
‘Oh, I’d like to see him try.’
The meetings to plan the funeral were more draining than the girls expected. Sitting there and listening to Kafui’s family members squabble amongst themselves about petty things like which order to list her cousins in on the obituary had pushed Tonia to levels she didn’t even know existed.
Especially with the way things had ended with Paa Kow. They had fought after he walked into her house, demanding to know why she had neglected to tell him about Tim’s visit.
‘What else are you keeping from me now?’
‘Paa Kow, come on! I didn’t tell you coz I had to rush to Ewuraefua’s place.’
‘What was so important that could not wait? What is so important that made you forget to tell me something this huge?’
‘Paa Kow, I kissed Peter by accident some time ago and I needed to tell my friend about it and ask for her forgiveness.’
‘But you didn’t think I should know this. I had to find out in an argument? Wow, Tonia, wow.’
‘Have you written your tribute yet?’, Adjeley asked, propping her head against the pillow.
‘Not yet. I can’t bring myself to do it. It is just too draining. I am tired and everything is just messed up. Paa Kow and I keep fighting. I don’t know if I can be a good mother to Selikem, if Kafui made the right decision.’
‘You will be fine’
That night when Selikem and Adjeley were asleep, she pulled out her journal and turned to a fresh page. After a few moments, she wrote:
Kafui was the bravest woman I have ever known. Even in her scariest and loneliest moments, she was brave.
See you next week..